you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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