he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Of course I have a pirate flag
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
