I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
