Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
