im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
