It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
