I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
