I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
