I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize