this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
