Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
