Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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