Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
