I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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