If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
