Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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