thus making me awesome and them whores
i love accidental penises.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
