she was so not down for the gang bang
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
