apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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