i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
