Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
