yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
