i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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