i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
