Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't think brook has ever known best
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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