Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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