You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
