false alarm. still invincible.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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