I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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