part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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