He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
