My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
