Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
