Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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