if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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