I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
