I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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