You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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