Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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