I CAN MOONWALK!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
