then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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