I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
