Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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