My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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