i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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