okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
