I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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