his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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