Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
