I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
