A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
