Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
