This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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