i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
