Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
