Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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