Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I love you. Go after that dick
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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