I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
