mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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