What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
