Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
