do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
