Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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