I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
