You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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