can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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