I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
