let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
