apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize