I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
