the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
