So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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