did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
